quadruplify | But it's all for the best

This is the second-to-last night that I'll be sleeping in my own bed until I go back to college, and already I'm feeling a lot of things all at one time. A small part of me is definitely excited, I would say, but I'm mostly tense with anticipation, cold (it's 58°F outside right now, WTF??!!), and generally feeling like I'm falling apart. Basically, this is pretty much because I feel like I've wasted my summer, and that I'm letting life pass me by in general, mostly because I feel like I'm constantly depressed and I can't seem to experience any sort of happiness or satisfaction whatsoever. Yeah, yeah, I know, "crai moar" and all that, I've complained about this sort of thing on this journal a million times already. While I wouldn't say it was completely wasted -- I did meet some awesome people, traveled to a few places, learned a lot more than I probably know, de-stressed, and some other stuff, as entries from the past four months will show -- but I did spend way too much time on the computer and sleeping late, and not enough time reading or working or otherwise keeping somewhat busy. I really can't spend my summers like I did when I was younger, when I didn't have to worry about getting a summer job, when I always found ways to keep me occupied, when my family used to take week-long vacations someplace, and when I could enjoy myself and pursue my interests and not be so self-conscious about it. I can't say I have many regrets about the whole thing, then and now, but something still needs to change so I don't keep on falling into this monotonous routine -- I just don't know how or where to begin.

I didn't feel this way for most of today; I had a haircut (decided to keep the sideburns after all), went to my other grandmother's place so my dad could help her with balancing her checkbook and so I could say goodbye, and went to Barnes & Noble to buy even more books (The Limits of Power by Andrew J. Bacevich, Columbine by Dave Cullen, Descent Into Chaos by Ahmed Rashid, and Speaking Treason Fluently by Tim Wise), getting my new default icon from

humblebot (I changed the layout slightly just for this occasion :D), and generally feeling pretty good (this helped too). I guess I just have a tendency to snatch depression from the jaws of happiness, so to speak. :3

Here's the game plan for the next 72 hours: tomorrow (today?) we get everything I need to take with me out of the basement, which is already half-packed anyway so packing shouldn't take too long -- it's mostly deciding what clothes and books to take with me. My parents will also rent the van needed to take all of that stuff up. On Saturday morning my family and I will get a quick breakfast and take the four-hour drive up to college. They'll help me unpack and get me settled in my new dorm room, and maybe we'll hang around the campus and/or town for a while until they'll leave and go back home. On Sunday I'll buy books, which will clear out the majority of the remaining money in my checking account, start looking for jobs in order to gain some of that money back, attend the campus-wide barbecue that evening as the dining halls will be closed because of it, and relax a bit before going to bed early so I have a fresh start Monday morning. Hopefully by then I will have caught up with a couple of friends both on- and off-campus. This is all I can think of right now, barring something unforeseen.

And because sometimes I need help actually doing what I sometimes set out to do when it comes to college, I'll be following

mcollinknight's lead with this to-do list:

Get a job, or maybe two
Find ways to finish readings and homework faster and not lose focus and get distracted (any suggestions? :3)
Try capoeira, and yoga and/or meditation
Hit the gym on a regular basis w/ friends
Go to Weybridge House dinners more regularly (this is the environmental studies academic interest house, where a friend that I've gotten close to this past year is living, so it should be interesting)
Go to language tables and J-House events more often (need to brush up on those language skills, after all :D)
Go to club meetings more regularly (especially if the astronomy club gets back together again)
Work on fall symposium w/ Voices of Indigenous Peoples
Study Italian once in a while
Attend more lectures and cultural events (as long as they look interesting, of course)
Schedule an appointment at the Counseling Center ASAP
Start looking for summer jobs and internships in CT (seeing as how I'm not ready to live fully independently and therefore can't really work outside the state)
Radio show??? (considering all the things I want to do, I may have to drop this)
Make the time for anime (game plan: a couple of episodes on weeknights as a way to wind down, and splurging on weekends XD)
Make the time to read for enjoyment (since I didn't when I had all the time in the world)
Make the time to write (even if it's only to participate in fandom more)
Try to spend as little money as possible (the Grille and the convenience store can be big money drains ^_^;;;)
Meet new people -- but not force myself to do so
Study less in my dorm, no matter how distracting places like the library may be
Make a visit to the Career Services Office to get help on my resume and what I need to do to have a good career, whatever it may be ._.